i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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