If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
