Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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