tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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