I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
