I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
