we're blogging at a bar
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
