Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
