So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
