God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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