My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You were trust falling into bushes
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
