i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
