dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
