Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
