is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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