i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
