Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
