dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
