im drinking this country out of the recession.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
