"it" just moved
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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