I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
