who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
