dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When are your genitals available?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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