whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
