Just fell off a train. Bad.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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