So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
