it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
