Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
