dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
