he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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