You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
