please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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