We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
