There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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