when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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