If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You have to summon your inner elephant
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
