Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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