I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
