i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
