Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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