what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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