i permit you to call me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
