I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize
