My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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