So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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