I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
