we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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