Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
