all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
