fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
